She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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