i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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