Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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