4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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