I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
