"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
40s are totally the cure
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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