Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
