Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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