I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
