Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This toilet bowl is my home.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
