It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize