nut hugger
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
