Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
