Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
