I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
