Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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