I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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