Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
