hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
