I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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