every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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