TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
