I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
