I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize