I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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