i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
