Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
