I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
