she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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