yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
