she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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