her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
