Me. At least after what I've been through.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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