I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
