One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
