After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
