wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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