you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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