take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
