i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
