so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
