This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
