He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
