Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
