Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
