I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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