my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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