oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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