I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
