So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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