I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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