I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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