do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
