I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize