last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
