im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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