I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
