if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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