I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
