I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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