We won't sleep together?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
