operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
