I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
