Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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