my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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