While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
