If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
