WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
