Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish I only lived at night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
