I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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