that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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