Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
