Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
