i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
