btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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